February 19, 2014

Oh my god, I'm finding that I am so damn busy. I hate this. Planning for college is hard enough as it is, but having to plan to move to Florida, find a place to live, getting a job, paying for college, and finding a way to get loans without credit is so freaking difficult. I am about ready to start tearing my hair out, I swear. Now, you're probably wondering why the hell I'm worried about this right now. I mean, I am only a junior, and there's a bit of time before I go to college. I'm not going to start until probably August of 2015, right? Well, there's a bit more to that story. See, I'm graduating in October. Yeah, that's coming so fast. Every time I think about it, I think, "That's not even long enough to have a baby," and it freaks me out. I'm graduating in a little less than 8 months. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. On top of that, I though that attending a community college to complete my undergraduate classes would be a cost-effective way to attend school. Haha, nope. Out of state tuition for the College of Central Florida is around $10,000. Holy buckets. I will not have enough money for that. I'm seriously debating waiting until Spring 2017 so that I can have in-state tuition. In-state tuition is only $2,000. Thoughts? I just don't know. I don't wanna wait forever to go to college, but it's going to be so fucking hard to go to college with the circumstances currently present. I really need to get more organized. Also, I really need helpful tips and hints so that maybe I can get a loan to buy a house and a car so I can make my happy ass down there. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm absolutely swamped right now with trying to figure out my life. I don't know if every college student feels this way, but I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders, and I'm trying to balance being able to maintain a good relationship, trying to find a job, looking for a home, looking for a car, applying for scholarships, applying for grants, and still attending high school. Oh my god, that's a lot, and that makes me stressed out just thinking about everything I have to do. I'm just praying that my plans don't fall through though. As much as it's bothering me and stressing me out, (I'm starting to get a migraine just thinking about all this,) I am dead set on moving to Florida so I can be with Bryce. It's what I know I want to do. However, I don't know if I'm an idiot or romantic. I'm not focusing relationships around school. I'm focusing school around relationships. I'm not moving to Florida because I wanna go to college there. I'm moving there for Bryce. Hell, maybe this is adorable and amazing, or maybe I'm just being stupid and blinded by love. Wouldn't be the first time. Anyways, I just really need to get shit figured out and down on lock. I just need help. If you have any advice, email me, please. shilohhalladay@gmail.com Thank you. Well, ta-ta for now. I'll try not to tear my hair out before I get some help.

Promise

His eyes are like an ocean Shimmering and blue as the Pacific. I'm marooned in the middle, Drowning in the ocean, Struggling for breath as he takes it away And I want to stay like this forever. This life is a nightmare, Full of abuse and misery, yet it turned into a beautiful dream. We're floating high in the clouds, so high that no one can touch us. Everything I've ever wanted come to fruition in the form of one boy. It's absolutely amazing how everything you've ever wanted can somehow appear right in front of your very eyes. Even if this is a dream I pray that I'll never wake up. I can't afford to lose this. Not now. Not after all the hurt and the pain. This is what I want, only him until I die. And when I do, he'll lie next to me. We will never be apart.