March 7, 2013

To quote System of a Down: The most loneliest day of my life. I swear that today was probably one of the worst days that I've had. I have to go to work after school, and I really don't want to go, but that's not what's really bumming me out and bringing me down. What's bringing me down is the alienation that I'm experiencing now. I feel left out of everything. Everyone's carrying on their lives in different directions, and that's fine, but I'm never incorporated in anyone's plan. I feel as though I'm just the lone wolf. I've always been good at playing that role in people's play called life, but it sure as hell isn't the role that I tried out for. I wish that someone would just invite me to go do something with them. I'm really not as mean as I look, and I just want some friends that I can spend time with instead of sitting at home, letting my life and feelings fade away like from the cigarettes that I smoke. But that's definitely what's got me down the most... I'm listening to My Chemical Romance's song, "Cancer." I miss you, Sarah. More than you could ever imagine. I started singing "Lucy" by Skillet because I was thinking of you... Why did the cancer have to take you from us. I wish you could've met with the oncologist the next day like you planned to.. I'd still have you here with me. I still remember what Bracken told me the day at the Walmart in Kearney before the funeral. He told me how you wanted us to spend a lot of time together this summer. How you guys wanted me to spend a few days out at the farm with you. I still can't let go of you... Probably because I didn't get an official chance to tell you goodbye before you left... I miss you Sarah Matucha... I'll see you sometime... This is all the time that I have to vent for today.. I'll see all of you whenever...